I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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