i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
