..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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