do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
