so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
