I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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