I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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