you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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