Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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