My room smells like vodka and shame
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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