I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
