the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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