Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
