u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
