Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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