now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
