So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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