I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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