the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
