i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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