You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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