Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I smell stomach acid.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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