Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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