Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
