I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
