I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
