he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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