I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
