You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
