OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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