why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
