There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
