I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
