She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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