two words: eviction party
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
