How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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