That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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