Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
