dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
