You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
