Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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