I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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