While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
