I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
