did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
