i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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