I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
