I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
