i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
