is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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