I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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