The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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