so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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