I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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