never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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