i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
