I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
