Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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