12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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