what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
