Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
