She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
