Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
