Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
