I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
